Help - I Just Can’t Stop Overthinking!

Most of us overthink from time to time.

We replay conversations, question decisions we've already made or try to predict what might happen next.

If we think about something for long enough, surely we'll eventually find the answer/

But often the opposite happens. The more we think, the less certain we become.

When thinking becomes overthinking

Thinking about a problem can be useful when it leads us towards a decision or an action.

Overthinking tends to keep us going around the same thoughts without getting anywhere.

We might find ourselves asking:

• What if I've made the wrong decision?

• Why did I say that?

• What did they mean by that?

• What if something goes wrong?

• Should I have done something differently?

We may even replay the same situation repeatedly, hoping we'll eventually reach a conclusion that makes us feel certain.

The problem is that certainty doesn't always come.

Why do we keep doing it?

Overthinking is often an attempt to protect ourselves.

If we can predict every possible outcome, perhaps we can prevent something going wrong.

If we analyse a conversation enough, perhaps we can work out exactly what someone was thinking.

If we reconsider a decision one more time, perhaps we'll finally know we've made the right choice.

But there are some things we simply can't know for certain.

And continually searching for certainty can sometimes create even more doubt.

The difference between facts and conclusions

One useful CBT approach is learning to recognise the difference between what we actually know and the conclusions we've drawn.

For example:

Fact: Someone hasn't replied to my message.

Conclusion: I've upset them.

The conclusion might be true — but there could also be many other explanations.

When we're anxious or worried, our minds can sometimes treat an assumption as though it were a fact.

Simply noticing that difference can give us another way of looking at the situation.

Ask yourself: is this helping me solve something?

When you notice yourself going over the same thoughts again, try asking:

“Is there something useful I can do about this right now?”

If there is, taking a small practical action may be more helpful than continuing to think about it.

If there isn't, another hour of thinking may not provide the certainty you're looking for.

The aim isn't to stop thinking.

It's learning to notice when thinking has stopped being useful and has started keeping us stuck.

How CBT can help with overthinking

CBT can help us become more aware of the patterns between our thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

Rather than simply telling ourselves to “stop overthinking”, we can begin to understand what keeps the cycle going and develop more helpful ways of responding to uncertainty, worry and difficult thoughts.

Sometimes the goal isn't finding the perfect answer.

It's becoming more comfortable with the fact that we don't always need one.