Why Do We Put Things Off When We Know They’ll Make Us Feel Better?

We’ve probably all done it.

There’s something we know needs done.

Make the phone call. Reply to the email. Go for the walk. Sort the paperwork. Have the conversation. Make the appointment.

We know we’ll probably feel better once it’s dealt with.

Yet somehow… we keep putting it off.

It’s not always laziness

Procrastination is often described as poor motivation or laziness.

But sometimes we’re not avoiding the task itself.

We’re avoiding how we expect the task to make us feel.

A phone call might bring anxiety.

Opening a letter might bring worry.

Starting something new might bring the possibility of failure.

Having a difficult conversation might bring discomfort.

So we put it off.

And for a little while, that works.

Avoidance can feel good

Imagine there’s a phone call you’ve been dreading all morning.

You decide:

I’ll do it tomorrow.

Almost immediately, you feel some relief.

The problem hasn’t disappeared - but the uncomfortable feeling has reduced.

Our brain notices that.

I avoided it and I felt better.

That short-term relief can make us more likely to avoid the same thing again.

Before we know it, something that might have taken ten minutes has occupied our thoughts for three days.

Waiting until we “feel like it”

We can also fall into the trap of waiting for motivation.

I’ll do it when I feel more confident.

I’ll start when I have more energy.

I’ll deal with it when I’m less anxious.

But sometimes the feeling we're waiting for comes after we take action, not before it.

Confidence can grow because we did something while feeling nervous.

Motivation can appear once we've started.

Relief can come because we finally dealt with what we'd been avoiding.

Make the first step smaller

When something feels overwhelming, we often picture the entire task.

Instead, ask:

What is the smallest useful thing I could do next?

Not finish everything.

Just the next step.

Open the email.

Find the phone number.

Put your shoes on.

Write the first sentence.

Sometimes getting started is more important than feeling ready.

A different way of looking at it

CBT can help us understand the relationship between what we think, how we feel and what we do.

Avoidance isn't something to beat ourselves up about.

But recognising when short-term relief is creating a longer-term problem can give us the opportunity to respond differently.

We don't always have to wait until something feels comfortable before doing it.

Sometimes we do the uncomfortable thing first.

And the feeling catches up afterwards.