Sleep - And How My Habits Affect It

How good was it this weekend to get that extra hour in bed with the clocks going back?

We know how important it is getting a good night sleep, but sleep doesn’t always come easy!. We also know how it feels when you get up and feel like you have barely slept - dragging yourself into the kitchen for a coffee to waken you up for the day and wondering how you are going to get through the day. I wonder how often we stop and think about our sleep before we actually get into bed and give thought to what might be affecting it.

We just think of sleeping as something that happens when we crawl into bed and close our eyes. This is true, but our habits, routines and behaviours play a part in how well we sleep too. This is what we call sleep hygiene.

What Exactly Is Sleep Hygiene?

Sleep hygiene is a term that we hear thrown around - but basically just means the habits, behaviours, thoughts and routines that help us create the best conditions to have a good and restful sleep. Things like - how long are we watching TV or looking at our phones before bedtime. Are we having caffeine or alcohol too late at night? Did we lie in too long in the morning, did we take a nap in the afternoon? All of these things affect the quality of sleep we will have.

What Are The Benefits Of A Good Sleep

• Improves mood and emotional wellbeing

• Reduces stress and irritability

• Improves memory and concentration

• Strengthens the immune system

• Increases energy and motivation

• Helps us manage everyday challenges

How Does CBT Therapy Help Me With My Sleep?

CBT helps us look at the relationships between our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. When It comes to sleep we often fall into patterns that are unhelpful. Last night we had a poor night sleep and instinctively start feeling frustrated about it. We then start worrying if we will have a good sleep tonight. Bedtime is approaching and we tell ourselves “I must sleep tonight, I can’t face another day exhausted.” So we go to bed early and determined to get a full 8 hours of sleep - however the sleepy feeling just isn’t coming. We look at the time on our phone and then again. We get more frustrated, irritable and anxious and before we know it hours have passed. The problem now is no longer simply that we are not sleeping. We are now anxious about not sleeping, and that anxiety can make it even harder to settle.

In CBT, we look at how our thoughts and behaviours can contribute to cycles like this. The aim isn't to convince ourselves that sleep doesn't matter. Of course it matters. It's about recognising when our response to a problem might actually be making it worse.

Making Small Changes to Our Sleep Routine

One of the useful things about looking at sleep hygiene is that it gives us an opportunity to consider what we can realistically change. There's no use in creating an amazing bedtime routine which looks good on paper - but we are just unable to do as it doesn’t tie in with how we actually live. For most of us, it’s more helpful if we can start with a few small and manageable changes. Such as -

• Keeping a consistent waking up time can help our bodies get into a more regular pattern. That doesn't mean we have to live by the clock every minute of the day, but getting up at roughly the same time each day can be useful.

• Paying attention to what we are eating or drinking before bed is another good place to start. If we're struggling with sleep, it might be worth considering whether that after dinner coffee or glass of wine is doing us any favours.

• Giving ourselves time to wind down can also make a difference. We can't always go straight from texts, watching an exciting programme or dealing with family responsibilities to feeling completely relaxed.

• Making the bedroom comfortable is important too. A room that's reasonably dark, quiet and cool can help create an environment that's more suited to sleep.

I'm not saying that we need to have a perfect routine. But small, consistent changes can sometimes make more of a difference than we expect.

What Are We Telling Ourselves About Sleep?

Sleep hygiene focuses on our habits, but CBT encourages us to look at our thinking as well.

In CBT, we might look at the evidence for that thought. Have we managed a difficult day after a poor night's sleep before? Could tomorrow be tiring without being completely unmanageable? It's not about pretending that being exhausted is pleasant. It's about being realistic rather than automatically assuming the worst. And sometimes, reducing the pressure we put on ourselves can help us approach bedtime with a little less anxiety.

It's Not About Getting Everything Right

We can sometimes make the mistake of turning healthy habits into another list of things we feel we have to do perfectly and if we don’t do it perfectly we can be hard on ourselves. When we fail to do what we set out to do - we get frustrated and this all contributes to the cycle of negative thoughts we can often have.

The aim of sleep hygiene isn't to create a set of rigid rules that we feel guilty about breaking. It's to become more aware of the habits that might be helping or hindering us, and to make changes where they seem useful. CBT can support that process by helping us recognise unhelpful thoughts, understand our behaviours and develop more balanced ways of responding when things don't go quite as planned.

When Progress Is Slow, But You're Still Putting the Work In

It really can be frustrating when you put your time and effort into something that is important to you but don’t see the results of all the hard work. Showing up every day, trying different approaches and just not seeing things move forward as quickly as you hoped they would.

At this stage we can question ourselves about the whole process. Am I doing enough, is there something I’m getting wrong, or even think…..why am I even bothering. At times we can be so consumed on what hasn’t yet happened that we actually lose sight of the progress that has been made! We all like to see obvious signs that what we are doing / trying has something to show for it.

Sometimes Our Thinking Gets in the Way

One of the things we look at in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is how our thoughts influence the way we feel and what our next steps are.

For example, imagine you've been working hard towards something for several months or even years, but just not seeing the results you are so hoping for and expected to have. It can really dent your confidence and raise lots of questions. It can create doubt in your mind about whether you are capable enough to get things to the place you really want them to be. At times we can feel frustrated, disappointed and at these times - it might feel harder to find the grit needed to keep showing up every day and trying our best.

But are we really getting nowhere? Are we really failing to progress, or are we just measuring our progress against the expectations we have given ourselves about where we should be at this stage?

In CBT, we sometimes talk about all or nothing thinking. If we haven’t yet achieved what we were looking to achieve - we can view the whole process as a failure and completely miss the small meaningful bits of progress that we have made.

Progress doesn’t seem to happen in a nice straight line. There can be mountains and valleys along the way - the main thing is that we see don’t neglect to see the actual progress we have made.

Working Hard Doesn't Always Bring Immediate Results

Working hard on something doesn’t guarantee us that we will see the outcome we were hoping for immediately. Sometimes we might need to make adjustments to how we are working, ask for help, or maybe take a short break from it for a bit.

But there's also a danger in giving up on something simply because the results aren't coming as quickly as we'd like. Think about someone who's trying to become more confident in social situations. They will still feel nervous walking into a room full of people, even after weeks of making an effort. From their point of view, they might think nothing has changed. But maybe they are not going to places / events that they would have totally avoided before. Maybe they are hanging around just a little bit longer than before. They might not be totally confident or the life and soul of the party - but they have made progress, and recognising this is huge!

Looking at Progress Differently

As a therapist, I often encourage people to look at the evidence behind their thoughts rather than simply accepting those thoughts a facts. So when we catch ourselves thinking, "I'm getting nowhere," it can be useful to stop and ask a few questions.

What am I basing that conclusion on? Am I only looking at the final result? Have I overlooked things I'm now doing differently? Would I judge someone else quite so harshly if they were making the same effort?

This isn't about trying to convince ourselves that everything is wonderful when it clearly isn't. It's about being fair and realistic in how we assess our own progress. We can acknowledge that we're disappointed with where we are while also recognising that we've made changes, learned things or managed situations differently along the way.

Giving Ourselves a Fair Chance

I wonder how often we compare where we are today with where we hoped we'd be, rather than looking back at where we actually started and how far we have come? It's easy to forget what once felt difficult and has now just gradually become part of our everyday life. Something that took a great deal of effort six months ago might now feel quite normal to us.. Because it now feels normal, we can forget to recognise this as a huge achievement. Perhaps that's one of the difficulties with slow progress. The changes can be so gradual that we don't always notice them happening.

I think sometimes we need to take a look at what we're doing and ask ourselves whether it's really working, or whether we might be better trying something different. But at the same time, I think it's important to recognise the effort we've already put in. Just because things haven't turned out quite as we'd hoped doesn't mean all that time and effort has been wasted.

Maybe the next time we find ourselves thinking, "Why am I not further along?" it would be worth asking something slightly different. How about - "What am I doing now that I wouldn't have managed six months ago?"

The answer might not be everything we'd hoped for, but it might remind us that we're not necessarily standing still. I remember reading something by Bob Goff about the importance of small beginnings, and it's something that's stayed with me. We can be so focused on where we want to end up that we overlook the small steps we're taking to get there. Sometimes those little changes don't seem particularly significant at the time, but gradually they can build into something much bigger.

So let’s celebrate the small steps of progress.