The Poisonous Parrot: That Little Voice That Never Seems to Shut Up

Imagine having a parrot sitting on your shoulder.

Not a colourful, friendly parrot that whistles a tune or says hello.

This one's a bit different, because it has an opinion on absolutely everything you do.

And unfortunately, it's rarely anything encouraging.

“You're going to make a fool of yourself.”

“You're not good enough.”

“What will people think?”

“You'll probably get it wrong.”

“Don't bother. What's the point?”

Sound familiar?

Welcome to the Poisonous Parrot.

We all have an inner voice

Most of us have an ongoing conversation with ourselves throughout the day.

We make decisions, question things, reflect on experiences and sometimes criticise ourselves.

But for some of us, that inner voice can become particularly negative.

It comments on our appearance, our abilities, our relationships and even things we haven't done yet.

And the more often we hear those messages, the easier it can become to accept them as the truth.

But here's something worth remembering.

Just because we think something doesn't mean it's true.

The parrot loves an audience

Imagine you've written something you'd like to share on Facebook.

You're happy with it.

You're about to press Post.

Then the parrot starts.

“Carol won't like that.”

“John will think you're showing off.”

“What if nobody likes it?”

“What if someone makes a nasty comment?”

Suddenly, you're questioning something you felt perfectly comfortable with a few minutes earlier.

You might rewrite it, water it down or decide not to post it at all.

And the interesting thing?

Nobody has actually said anything.

The parrot has done all the talking.

Where does the parrot get its material?

Our inner voice doesn't develop in isolation.

Past experiences, criticism, embarrassment, expectations and beliefs about ourselves can all influence the things we tell ourselves.

Perhaps someone once told us we weren't good at something.

Maybe we made a mistake that stayed with us throughout or life

We might have spent years comparing ourselves with other people.

Over time, certain messages can become familiar.

“I'm not clever enough.”

“People won't like me.”

“I always get things wrong.”

And eventually, we might stop questioning them.

So - when the parrot says it - we believe it.

You don't have to argue with the parrot

We might think the answer is to get rid of every negative thought.

But trying to force thoughts away can sometimes make us even more aware of them.

Instead, we can learn to recognise what's happening.

“There's that thought again.”

“That's my fear of being judged talking.”

“I'm predicting something that hasn't happened.”

The thought might still be there.

But we don't have to give it the same power in our minds.

A thought is not an instruction.

What would happen if we stopped obeying it?

Think about how many things we might avoid because of what our inner voice tells us.

Applying for a job.

Speaking up in a meeting.

Trying a new hobby.

Meeting new people.

Sharing an opinion.

Making a change.

The parrot might insist that something will go wrong.

But what if we just went ahead and did it anyway?

What if we allowed ourselves to feel uncertain without letting that uncertainty make the decision?

What if we discovered that we could cope even when things didn't go perfectly?

That's where change can begin.

Learning to recognise the voice

CBT can help us identify unhelpful thinking patterns, examine the evidence behind our thoughts and develop different ways of responding.

Instead of automatically accepting “I'm going to embarrass myself”, we can ask:

“What evidence do I actually have for that?”

Instead of believing “Everyone will judge me”, we can consider whether we're predicting other people's thoughts without really knowing them.

And instead of avoiding something because we're afraid, we can begin taking small and manageable steps towards the things that matter to us.

The aim isn't to become someone who never doubts themselves.

It's to stop allowing every doubtful thought to decide what happens next.

Let the parrot squawk

The Poisonous Parrot might never disappear completely.

It may still have something to say when we try something new, take a risk or step outside our comfort zone.

But we can learn to recognise its familiar voice and question what it is telling us. We can choose to listen or not.

So the next time that little voice tells you that you're not good enough, that people will laugh or that you shouldn't even try, remember:

The parrot can squawk all it likes.

You don't have to let it run your life.