When Did Being Busy Become Something to Be Proud Of?

“How are you?”

“Busy.”

For many of us, being busy has almost become a badge of honour. I can think of a couple of people throughout the years - where I knew they were going to say they were “so busy” even before they said it.

A full diary. A long to-do list. Always having somewhere to be or something that needs done.

And when we finally get a bit of time with nothing planned?

Instead of enjoying it, we can feel strangely guilty.

“I should be doing something”.

When did doing nothing become a problem?

There’s nothing wrong with being busy. Work, family, relationships and everyday responsibilities all take up our time.

The problem comes when we begin to measure our value and worth by how busy we are.

A busy day feels successful.

A quiet day feels like it is a wasted day.

We might sit down to relax and immediately start thinking about the emails, the garden or the dozen other things we could be doing.

Our body has stopped, but unfortunately our mind hasn’t

The never ending to-do list

One difficulty with waiting until everything is finished before allowing ourselves to relax is that everything is rarely finished.

There will nearly always be another job, another email.

Another thing we could tidy, organise or sort out.

If rest has to be earned by completing everything first, we might just never feel we've quite “earned it”.

Why can slowing down feel uncomfortable?

When we're used to constantly being on the go, stopping can feel unfamiliar to us.

Sometimes being busy also gives us less opportunity to notice what's going on underneath the surface.

When things become quiet, thoughts or feelings we've been distracted from can suddenly appear out of nowhere.

So we fill the space again - just to distract from the feelings…..Another job. Another task. Another scroll through the phone.

Not necessarily because any of it needs done right now — but because being occupied feels easier than being still.

Rest isn't the opposite of being productive

Rest doesn't have to mean lying on a beach on holiday (although I did enjoy this recently)

It might be half an hour reading a book.

Going for a walk without turning it into an exercise routine

Having a coffee without feeling you should be doing something else.

And perhaps most importantly, doing it without mentally putting yourself on trial for it.

CBT can help us notice some of the rules we've developed for ourselves:

I should always be doing something.

I can't relax until everything's finished.

I'm being lazy.

What must people think of me when I look like I am sitting doing nothing?

And then ask whether those rules are actually helping us.

Being busy isn't necessarily a sign that we're doing life well.

And having nothing to do for a while isn't something we need to fix.

Sometimes a gap in the diary can simply be...

a gap in the diary.